Wise Versus Idiot Compassion

As I assess the end of the summer garden, due to the rain - all my tall beautiful grasses are overgrown, the bamboo has taken on a life of its own and the butterfly bushes quickly outgrew their pots.  I am going to transplant as much as I can but because of the overgrowth, the garlic lived in the dark along with some of my other veggies so they did not grow.  I have to make the difficult decision of transplanting and horror of all horrors, eliminating some of the overgrown vegetation.  In the long run, it is best for the health of many of the plants but it is really hard for me to eliminate even one grass.  It’s funny because it is mirroring something going on in my life that has been a bit puzzling.  I have been realizing that I need to do some compassionate gardening with people who don’t have other’s best interests at heart.  Over and over again you suggest changes that could improve their circumstances, or forgive them for repeated behaviors.  But what seems to show itself is the same agitating story.  

"Real compassion includes wisdom and so it makes judgments of care and concern; it says some things are good, and some things are bad, and I will choose to act only on those things that are informed by wisdom and care."....Philosopher, Ken Wilbur  

Given the nature of the people I work with, the first thing each of us does is check in on why the behavior is bothering us - in other words what are we here to learn? Are we emotionally charged on this? This is necessary as compassion is not only our ability to be with another's pain and suffering but also to see and accept our own pain. Once this is accomplished, I know I have to ask myself, how many more chances, does this unaccountable individual get?  And is this the question I should be asking in the first place?     

“Yes, I am open-minded and compassionate, but never want to be so open-minded that my brains fall out”   

Of course, the picture keeps getting bigger if I get out of judgment allowing the questions to keep coming. If someone has a history of cheating, lying and/or stealing, when do I stop giving them another chance? Or do I even go there?  Do I just figure that life, the cosmos, the divine, the light or whatever has a plan for this individual, which I think is probably true, but then where does that leave me and what is my job? Do I still work with this person? Do I forgive them even though they are never accountable? Do I stand in a place of understanding that each person has their lessons and are disguised in drag, if you will, to teach each other theirs? And if they are in drag to teach others how to be compassionate, then do I love from a distance and just understand their role? I am leaning towards the latter. Like overgrowth in the garden, the plant living in the shade does not have a chance to live in the light until the shade, or shadow is removed, yes that’s true. But rather than the overgrowth being eliminated maybe it should just be cut down to size and with this adjustment, both can coexist - each understanding the other’s role but definitely staying within their boundaries so that they can thrive. Meaning each plant can do what it is here to do - experience the experience.  And with that, to not just blindly accept but be reminded like in classical Tibetan teachings, that sometimes more than compassion, we need to see with awareness and discrimination.

Idiot compassion is the highly conceptualized idea that you want to do good....Of course, you should do everything for everybody; there is no selection involved at all. But that doesn't mean to say that you have to be gentle all the time. Your gentleness should have heart, strength. In order that your compassion doesn't become idiot compassion, you have to use your intelligence. Otherwise, there could be self-indulgence of thinking that you are creating a compassionate situation when in fact you are feeding the other person's aggression. If you go to a shop and the shopkeeper cheats you and you go back and let him cheat you again, that doesn't seem to be a very healthy thing to do for others... Dali Lama  

This is known as wise compassion, that sees the whole situation and aims to bring release from suffering; its opposite is known as blind or idiot compassion, which does not take into account the whole situation and so, while appearing compassionate, is inherently unskillful and may actually increase suffering. For instance, idiot compassion occurs when we support or condone neurosis, such as giving a slice of cake to an obese friend. Yes, they may be begging you, but realistically you know that it will do them no good.  Another way to see idiot compassion is when we give for our own benefit, not for the recipient's, because we can't bear to see them suffering. Our giving has less to do with what they need, but plenty to do with trying to escape our own feelings of inadequacy. This is a more subtle point, but sometimes we can get so impelled to give that we forget why we are giving or what is actually needed. 

So back to the garden with shovel in hand, apologizing to the newly trimmed plant for cutting it down, while thanking it for doing its job and that the plants that will nourish us - garlic, asparagus and beets will have a better chance to grow.  Choices are being made that will serve the bigger picture while energies are going to where they are actually needed.  It seems that life on all levels is a place, a reality where decisions can be made on where the compassionate effort needs to be focused and all the while that this interaction is taking place, it is done in wisdom, for the highest good, with an open heart.  

  

From My Garden To Yours.......

Kale Chips and Lebanese Salad

Kale Chips New Favorite, KALE CHIPS - WOW!!! 

Never believed these could taste good at all - they are TERRIFIC! Use kitchen shears to cut the kale off the stem and cut the leaves into bite-size pieces (discard the stems). Then arrange the pieces in one layer on a baking sheet (I lined mine with parchment paper), drizzle olive oil over them and then sea salt (Kroger sells in a salt shaker size grinder) grind it right over the cookie sheet. Baked on the top shelf of the oven (350 degrees) for about 4 minutes (tips start to turn brown, crinkle. YUM!! Then I scooped them off the parchment paper, dropped onto paper towel to soak up an excess olive oil. WOW!!!! I LOVE these! Just melt in your mouth. You have to try...

Lebanese Salad

5 Tomatoes chopped
1 Cucumber chopped
1-2 Bunches green onions with tops chopped
1-2 lemons Juiced
2 Bunches fresh parsley finely chopped
1-2 Tablespoon minced garlic
Mint for garnish add more if you want it in the salad
Sea salt to taste
Olive oil optional

Normally they put Bulgar wheat in this salad but I can't find it in my area. It makes this salad very healthy.

Garden Duties! How Lucky Are We?

On Sunday, Joe and I had a quick cup of coffee and talked about our garden duties, i.e. weeding the raised beds, planting new perennials, mulching, rearranging pots, picking lettuce, painting boxes, adding more dirt and mulch to the potatoes (yes, folks they grow up not down) and with that complete, starting up the new barbecue. It was delicious, grilled chicken shish kabob and veggies – accompanied with a fresh salad from the garden. We worked from 7:30 until 5:30, the weather perfect for staying out all day. It wasn’t too hot, overly humid and mildly overcast – the sun just peeking out here and there, allowing us to be comfortable while doing the work.

We bought some wonderful plants from the Farmers Market in Mount Clemens on Saturday. Joe and I wanted to add more flowering plants to encourage the more activity from the dwindling bee community not to mention the Monarchs which love to stop by on their long migratory routes. The lily pad flowers are blooming in the pond while the plants that look like huge petaled umbrellas are spreading out even further than last year. (I don’t know the name as our neighbor just dropped them off one day). Speaking of gifted plants, our friends the Victorys, brought a rare plant called, Little Brown Jug (wild ginger) from Tennessee that loves the shade along with some cool looking bamboo. We already have bamboo growing but I love it and thrilled to have more.  After living in the Northwest and seeing so much bamboo, I developed quite a love affair with it that stays with me today.

The garden is such a reminder of what it takes to produce something worthwhile. The responsibility that falls upon the shoulders of the gardener to participate in a cohesive way so that all is ecologically balanced – giving as much as you are taking. The earth reminds us that she is here for us, if we care just a little bit. We have had to walk our walk this year as we don’t have any help so it’s up to us. But we are managing and instead of thinking about what we have to do and stressing about it, we have chosen to look at it as a co-creation with the earth. Doing the best that we can when we can. And because it is incredibly collaborative, we have understood that the effort and love we put into the garden, more than equals what we get back.

So when I tell people about the size of the garden, many times their comment is “Wow, that must mean a lot of work!”  My reply, “Yep, if we’re lucky.”

From My Garden to Yours

Where should you get your worms this year?

Every compost should have ‘em!

This is my favorite  http://www.unclejimswormfarm.com

Time to Order Your Plants and Seeds

For your seeds – Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds

http://rareseeds.com/

The absolute best!

Most of you know that while I love to grow heirloom / open-pollinated vegetables, my passion lies in the finding of new varieties steeped in history. A good friend of mine owns Michigan Heirlooms. We get all of our tomato, lettuce and pepper plants from her. Her stuff is amazing!!!! Over the past winter, she has acquired over 400 new varieties - from many different countries - bringing her total collection to just under 600 varieties. She will be growing each and every variety this year in her garden. Due to limited space and shortness of seed supply, she can't list the new ones in the catalog. However, there will be plenty of extras..... I highly encourage you to click the 'Grower's Choice' button in any of the different categories -- you won't be disappointed!
 

Grow in good health,

Karen Golden

Owner / Grower

248-343-1976

www.MichiganHeirlooms.com

Blueberry Green Smoothie

Blueberry Green Smoothie

I had this twice today and am thinking I’ll probably have it again tomorrow. It’s definitely yummy and filling but without weighing me down. Plus, I don’t have a lot of options! Ha!

It’s so easy!

INGREDIENTS
3-5 bananas
2 cups frozen blueberries
4 cups spinach
1 cup water

And blend!

Because of the pectin content in the blueberries, this congeals. SO, unless you want to pretend it’s Jell-O (which is OK too if you like that kinda thing!) it’s best drank immediately.

Sowing Bears Fruit

Gardening is not for some other persons in a future time. It can be meant for each of us, right here, right now, with a desire to help something grow and change a small spot on earth. And no matter what our beliefs seem to be, gardening brings out a little bit of the spiritual in all of us. Gardening doesn’t just enhance the environment but us too, as we are one of the factors in the cosmos of growing things, so we most obviously are changed and can be even more so if we are paying attention to the details. We become gentle revolutionaries believing in all life great and small, as our thinking changes about how things work. With this opening of our minds and hopefully our hearts, it creates a symbiosis for our personal gardening history which includes memories. These memories can fuel why we seem to be here in the first place - to create and especially to experience. 

With the memories of last year’s garden keeping me company, I have to say that I could be better about the impatience I feel as the snow and cold hang on to the raised beds. I love having my hands in dirt, and though I am ready to hang up my rubber palmed gloves mid-October, by March, I can hardly wait to go at it again. It is about that time, I have forgotten the humidity and mosquitoes. Like a mother that gives birth, I can’t quite remember the pain of lifting the bags of compost, heavy pots, gravel and bending over weeds for hours on end. Then there is the canning, dehydrating, washing, cutting, dicing and slicing the bounty so that it can be eaten throughout the year (yes we still have root veggies and frozen strawberries along with our canned goods). And even if I could remember the hard work, I would quickly realize that of course, it is all worth it.

But what the garden truly gives me are memories of a much more personal nature. As I think back to the year we moved to Harsens Island, we not only had our garden cat, Buddy on detail but he had a calico to pal around with, our beloved, Cricket. Between the two of them, not a mouse, rabbit, mole or any other living thing had a chance in hell surviving once it came within the perimeters of the garden. Cricket was so good at her job that we named the garden after her because she loved it more than being inside even on a cold rainy day. Cricket is no longer with us, having eaten something that took her quickly. I can look out our kitchen window, overlooking the pond and still see her walking along the cedar beds, patrolling the area for invaders. But worse of all, Buddy missed her terribly at first and  watching him go it alone was a bit heartbreaking.

Another casualty of our garden pets was, Howie. Now don’t be fooled by the name, Howie, who it turned out, was female. Of course, we didn’t know that small detail until a visit to the vet because Howie was a box turtle. And by then we had called her Howie for too long to shift to another name like, Howette! Howie traveled cross country with us in in her portable aquarium. She was abandoned in Seattle, rescued by our neighbor Bill, only to pawn her off on us. But we quickly fell in love with her, especially, Joe as it triggered young memories of growing up, living on the lake. I imagine, he being solitary by nature, meant that turtles and frogs were boyhood companions. He would fuss over her well-being, giving her weekly “tub time” and making sure she had her favorite melon. The spring of that year, I got a brilliant idea of letting Howie live in the greenhouse. She loved it, until one day, she found a crack between the ground and the frame, somehow squeezing out, shell and all. I know turtles are slow, but there is something to that fable of the determined turtle beating the hare over the finish line, because she was nowhere to be found. Joe still really doesn’t like to talk about it so we have taken the high road of living in the positive, convinced she is in the ravine behind the ½ acre of garden.

But the sweetest memories are always of my husband, Joe, working in the garden. As I write this, I have such a clear picture in my mind of him sitting on an overturned plastic bucket, trimming his heirloom tomatoes, fussing over each branch, unraveling them from each other as he puts them in their cages so they will have support for the rest of their growth. I kid him, and tell him that he really isn’t Jewish, but Italian as those damn tomatoes seem to be a part of his DNA. Each day, his skin becomes a deeper shade of brown, ball cap a bit more frayed, the dirt under his nails a little harder to dig out and most importantly, it opens my heart. Seeing Joe, happy, at peace with his hands in dirt, helping things grow, hits every note of loving him more. His interchange with the garden and the animals continuously shows me, that somehow I chose the perfect man in a complete moment of divine clarity.

In this co-existent journey with nature, we find that each season has a spirit of its own. Spring is full of energy and hope, summer offers endurance, autumn is for gratitude, and winter harbors a sense of reflection. Since gardening cuts across the distinctive seasons it takes on a different character with each month of the calendar and virtually each week. With this as a backdrop, it colors and feeds the memories of what I love the most. All of this of course, is not just the action of what I am doing but always a metaphor for life. Though we may have heard it a hundred times, it doesn’t make it any less true, and that is what we sow bears fruit. And every time I have heard it, I really haven’t realized how it is applicable to my daily life, because I just don’t think about it in those terms.  But I could never have imagined that what it means for me is  “the fruit of my heart”. As I continue to garden, and fall more deeply in love with everything and everyone around me, I wish you all a bountiful year….from my garden to yours as you reap what you sow.

Try growing your own sprouts

All you need are some seeds, a large, clean jar and some netted fabric secured with a band. Soak seeds that have been thoroughly rinsed for the first 24 hours in clean cool water, draining and refreshing the water several times. Store in the dark. Then rinse twice a day with fresh clean water and set in sunlight. Your sprouts will be ready to eat in a week.

Nobody's Perfect

Nobody’s perfect. I mean we all know that this is true somewhere deep in our hearts underneath all of the criticizing, finger pointing, judgment of others, judgment of ourselves, asking ourselves over and over, “How can so and so do that?”  Or “Why do they always do this?" Then we have self-ridicule; Asking ourselves “I know there is a better way, but still, I insist on continuing doing something that I know doesn’t work for me?”  The answer to these actions? None of us are perfect. No athlete, no celebrity, your parents, your best friend, your spouse, your dog, politicians, religious leaders and especially you – nobody gets off being perfect. So why do we sit in so much judgment of not only others but of ourselves?

And man do we get set up, almost forcing us to be judgmental. Let’s take the news. Don’t they love a fall guy? On the news of late has been Lance Armstrong and if not him some football player who’s name I can’t remember because well, I don’t really care that much about sports. I watch these stories unfold….the news reporters begin gunning for these people, backing them into a corner and kapow!!!! – we get a confession. Then we humans begin weighing in on these total strangers until every single good thing that this person has done in their lives has now been reduced to one act of poor judgment. We ask in our judgmental way, “Why don’t they tell the truth right from the start?" I say how about asking yourself with complete honesty, would you? Really? When everything you worked your entire life for is now going to be jeopardized, would you run to the press and blab your sins. I don’t know if I would. I think the fear of public persecution would certainly slow me down on the way to the finish line of truth.

But I don’t sit on a world stage and yet, I too face judgmental friends and acquaintances. Even though I now live a long awaited quiet way of life and do what I need to do to get through the day. As simple as that sounds, it can be quite challenging for me. I am a hopeless rule breaker, don’t agree with much that is going on around me, free spirited, daydreamer, very creative and have physical limitations. That all adds up to the fact that I am going to hurt people’s feelings (non-intentionally), seem flaky to some, irresponsible to others, and ornery to those closest to me. On top of that I am in my 60’s and don’t want to waste the few brain cells that I have left on spending time with people and in places that don’t serve moving forward in a positive way. So you see, in the framework of many of my flaws, I often don’t get it right in other people’s eyes. But worse of all, many times, I don’t get it right in mine.

“Where guilt and judgment exists, the Light cannot dwell.”

But to my credit I do have to say that most of the time that when I begin going into the judging others mode, I usually, not always, stop and think, have I done that? And I believe that if I truly know myself, probably have done the very thing I am criticizing or I can at least understand how - given the same circumstances would have done the same.  (This is something that actors explore when doing their work). I constantly work on not feeling this way because it feels icky to pass judgment or be angry, kind of like walking through mud. And it doesn’t feel any better when judging oneself. It must be because where guilt and judgment exists, the Light cannot dwell. I think that I forget the rule of “If I’m not behaving in accordance with the Light then I’m not showing love, compassion and understanding."

On this spiritual path, we try to be better versions of ourselves every day, but all of us have moments where we fall and find ourselves right back in old destructive patterns. The secret is that it’s not about how many times we fall, it’s about how many times we get back up. And if we are lucky, we might even get back up quicker because if you can spend less time, living in the negative field of judgment, you can get to the light just a little bit quicker. After all, if you are walking through hell, don’t stop, but some of us actually pack a lunch and have a picnic despite the heat. It’s uncomfortable to not get it right, yes, but If we live by the divine reality that everything in our lives is from the Divine and the Divine thinks we are perfect than this has to include our failures and foibles. Even when I am being totally irresponsible, there is Light waiting to be revealed and lessons to be learned.

And frankly, when I am the least perfect is when the lessons are the biggest. And, as my friend Johnny B says, “Hopefully as we grow older our lessons are getting bigger because we are getting bigger.”

The problem is that when we fall, it’s easier for us to get wrapped up in feelings of shame and feeling bad, than it is to learn the lesson. The guilt trip, only services all that is dark, taking us in the opposite direction of the Light. No one and I mean no one benefits from feeling the pressure to be perfect. Are we perfect in God’s eyes? Yes. Is our Ego a bit messy? Yep, you bet! Is it supposed to be that way? Of course! We have come into the physical body to experience these difficult lessons. Can’t do that when you are floating around in spirit riding a cloud into infinity, nope, got to have Mr. Ego along for the ride. The body and the ego are the duo of challenges. This challenge pattern, sticks like glue. Complete freedom from ego comes at a very high station of spiritual development which means the gift of awareness and then a lot of hard work. Seeing and letting go can only work insofar as we are able to see, picking away at the psyche like layers of an onion. Then as the awareness increases these efforts may include grappling with the hugeness of the ego. But the good news is that by doing the work we create the energy for seeing more. Only we must not have the idea that such struggles will, by themselves, reform us into our idea of perfection. We get to become aware of our imperfections leading us to liberation: liberation from the illusion of the ego and into the freedom of the singular – the collective soul. In other words, Love.

From Happiness to Joy - A Long Road

As I come to the end of this chaotic week and coincidentally the beginning of a year that will have its share of chaos as we shift into what is next, I realize that once again, my work is never done. I am casting an eye within the internal sea of emotions, only to have that eye covered with a patch worn by Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean. In other words, I am still figuring things out as I am wondering how and why I get so caught up in life! Though I don't have the answer, yet, it's close to the surface but still without the revelation. What I do know is that I let someone else's actions affect how I react and it affected me deeply. I find it all pretty funny, as I was freely handing out advice about the difference between happy and joy along with the amount of time it takes to do the work, which by the way, would be a lifetime.

As I reread the letter I sent to a friend, I see how I too, can let something or someone disturb the joy that I had hoped I have. But life's events show me, that there are still "happy" band aids on old wounds that never quite get healed as life continues to pick away at the ancient scabs. All of it leaving me with damn, "Where is that deep profound belief system I thought I had in place?" Then a moment of clarity - "Yes, yes, I get it, it's a process." And what a process it is.  

Spiritual development and its evolution is not just a process but a slow journey.   

It goes through distinct stages and in each stage, how we operate in the world appears different. How life appears to us seems dependent on where we are placed while experiencing our experiences. The view is dependent on where we stand. If I am in management I will look at things from a particular perspective, as an employee from another, as a human being standing in individuality another way and finally as a human standing in the collective, yet another. These placements of the psyche are what give the various scenarios their
meanings. Then add different levels of spiritual development and the world continues to morph always appearing different. But all of them affect and color the experience as we walk down the path.

Unfortunately, many of us get stuck at the age of innocence when we believed that everything would be perfect. When you are a child, you take it for granted that everybody exists only to fulfill your needs, whims and fancies. A child takes it as a right that when he cries at night somebody will come and attend to the problem.  As adults while holding on to our childlike desires we expect to be taken care of and loved - always wanting somebody to do something. The government should do this , the teachers should do that, the neighbors should be this. Everybody should do everything so that I will live a happy life. When we finally move into a more spiritual point of view we have the same relationship with God. We look upon Him as some kind of Santa Claus whose primary function is to grant wishes. The age of disillusionment is when we find out that life is not perfect and things are inherently flawed. The child grows up and faces the reality that he is not the center of the universe and for the most part the universe doesn't know he exists or is indifferent to his existence. This is the pain of adolescence and when we break away from the old paradigm of "I deserve to be happy."

Along with all of the natural growth of our psyche we are sold a rotten bill of goods called happiness which is a man made construct designed, packaged and sold by Hollywood and Ad companies.  

Don't you have a girlfriend yet? Wow, you're a loser. Don't you fit in because you are a little bit different? Well, then try this - work out; dye your hair; join this religion; belong to this peer group; eat this; drink that; wear this fashion designer; if you only had longer lashes; a perfect body; clear skin, if only you were famous. But what all of these empty promises have in common is that they come from something that humans created to take advantage of other human beings, leaving us with wanting.  Wanting to be "happy" is a losing battle from beginning to end, because for one moment you can be happy and the minute something happens that doesn't go along with your interpretation of happiness, it's gone in seconds. And let us not forget that happiness, sadness, loneliness are just emotions that give us information about who we are and where we are at the present time - not something to act on. And frankly, being a victim, I found, was gut wrenchingly boring.

So what do we do instead? This is a longer road. What humans are meant to do is spend a lifetime searching for and finding "joy." Or maybe not look for it at all and just "be".  But whatever the solution, joy is a more divine emotional construct than the man made happy. Joy is something that comes from a fulfillment of being connected to something larger than oneself. If it's not God, than maybe it may by the process of creation as an artist, or nature, or service work to others - but it has to be something that is larger than the individual. If we are living in the world of "what about me" and "how come I can't have what I want," we are truly doomed. Questions that are to be asked are "How can I be of service to others?" What is my purpose in life? What is in my highest good? "How am I needed in the largest capacity to do some good on this planet?" One of my biggest revelations I had after years of looking for quick fixes, was when one day I asked the question, "Why can't I get what I deserve?"  The answer, "You  don't deserve anything, it all has to be earned."

I've never felt like I fit in because I don't. A lot of us feel that way. But that is to our advantage.

 

We get to see things from a different perspective. Even though at a young age it feels like a curse, it is a gift. Something we signed up for before we entered our bodies to learn specific divine lessons. We are participants, not victims. This is when love begins to be universal, when there is complete identification. People are no more my brothers and sisters, they are me and I and they are one. My Self is the Self in all. Enlightenment sees only the one, the non-dual. It is the culmination of spiritual growth, the state of a Krishna or Rama, a Buddha or Christ, a Mahavir or Mohammed. It is the blessed state of self-realization, the state of complete knowledge. Once this is achieved, the joy remains intact no matter what the outside stimuli. We are finally in a place where we can be in joy no matter what is happening. Life will continue to happen but maybe if we are lucky by this time we have fallen in love with the journey welcoming life's daily struggles. After all, there is always the constant underpinning of the never-ending, irreplaceable, gift of divine support and love from something that can only be found within - the piece of the collective that I call God.

From my garden to yours.......

Welcome Winter