Wise Versus Idiot Compassion

As I assess the end of the summer garden, due to the rain - all my tall beautiful grasses are overgrown, the bamboo has taken on a life of its own and the butterfly bushes quickly outgrew their pots.  I am going to transplant as much as I can but because of the overgrowth, the garlic lived in the dark along with some of my other veggies so they did not grow.  I have to make the difficult decision of transplanting and horror of all horrors, eliminating some of the overgrown vegetation.  In the long run, it is best for the health of many of the plants but it is really hard for me to eliminate even one grass.  It’s funny because it is mirroring something going on in my life that has been a bit puzzling.  I have been realizing that I need to do some compassionate gardening with people who don’t have other’s best interests at heart.  Over and over again you suggest changes that could improve their circumstances, or forgive them for repeated behaviors.  But what seems to show itself is the same agitating story.  

"Real compassion includes wisdom and so it makes judgments of care and concern; it says some things are good, and some things are bad, and I will choose to act only on those things that are informed by wisdom and care."....Philosopher, Ken Wilbur  

Given the nature of the people I work with, the first thing each of us does is check in on why the behavior is bothering us - in other words what are we here to learn? Are we emotionally charged on this? This is necessary as compassion is not only our ability to be with another's pain and suffering but also to see and accept our own pain. Once this is accomplished, I know I have to ask myself, how many more chances, does this unaccountable individual get?  And is this the question I should be asking in the first place?     

“Yes, I am open-minded and compassionate, but never want to be so open-minded that my brains fall out”   

Of course, the picture keeps getting bigger if I get out of judgment allowing the questions to keep coming. If someone has a history of cheating, lying and/or stealing, when do I stop giving them another chance? Or do I even go there?  Do I just figure that life, the cosmos, the divine, the light or whatever has a plan for this individual, which I think is probably true, but then where does that leave me and what is my job? Do I still work with this person? Do I forgive them even though they are never accountable? Do I stand in a place of understanding that each person has their lessons and are disguised in drag, if you will, to teach each other theirs? And if they are in drag to teach others how to be compassionate, then do I love from a distance and just understand their role? I am leaning towards the latter. Like overgrowth in the garden, the plant living in the shade does not have a chance to live in the light until the shade, or shadow is removed, yes that’s true. But rather than the overgrowth being eliminated maybe it should just be cut down to size and with this adjustment, both can coexist - each understanding the other’s role but definitely staying within their boundaries so that they can thrive. Meaning each plant can do what it is here to do - experience the experience.  And with that, to not just blindly accept but be reminded like in classical Tibetan teachings, that sometimes more than compassion, we need to see with awareness and discrimination.

Idiot compassion is the highly conceptualized idea that you want to do good....Of course, you should do everything for everybody; there is no selection involved at all. But that doesn't mean to say that you have to be gentle all the time. Your gentleness should have heart, strength. In order that your compassion doesn't become idiot compassion, you have to use your intelligence. Otherwise, there could be self-indulgence of thinking that you are creating a compassionate situation when in fact you are feeding the other person's aggression. If you go to a shop and the shopkeeper cheats you and you go back and let him cheat you again, that doesn't seem to be a very healthy thing to do for others... Dali Lama  

This is known as wise compassion, that sees the whole situation and aims to bring release from suffering; its opposite is known as blind or idiot compassion, which does not take into account the whole situation and so, while appearing compassionate, is inherently unskillful and may actually increase suffering. For instance, idiot compassion occurs when we support or condone neurosis, such as giving a slice of cake to an obese friend. Yes, they may be begging you, but realistically you know that it will do them no good.  Another way to see idiot compassion is when we give for our own benefit, not for the recipient's, because we can't bear to see them suffering. Our giving has less to do with what they need, but plenty to do with trying to escape our own feelings of inadequacy. This is a more subtle point, but sometimes we can get so impelled to give that we forget why we are giving or what is actually needed. 

So back to the garden with shovel in hand, apologizing to the newly trimmed plant for cutting it down, while thanking it for doing its job and that the plants that will nourish us - garlic, asparagus and beets will have a better chance to grow.  Choices are being made that will serve the bigger picture while energies are going to where they are actually needed.  It seems that life on all levels is a place, a reality where decisions can be made on where the compassionate effort needs to be focused and all the while that this interaction is taking place, it is done in wisdom, for the highest good, with an open heart.  

  

From My Garden To Yours.......