As
I come to the end of this chaotic week and coincidentally the beginning
of a year that will have its share of chaos as we shift into what is
next, I realize that once again, my work is never done. I am casting an
eye within the internal sea of emotions, only to have that eye covered
with a patch worn by Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean. In other
words, I am still figuring things out as I am wondering how and why I
get so caught up in life! Though I don't have the answer, yet, it's
close to the surface but still without the revelation. What I do know is
that I let someone else's actions affect how I react and it affected me
deeply. I find it all pretty funny, as I was freely handing out advice
about the difference between happy and joy along with the amount of time
it takes to do the work, which by the way, would be a lifetime.
As I reread the letter I sent to a friend, I see how I too, can let something or someone disturb the joy that I had hoped I have. But life's events show me, that there are still "happy" band aids on old wounds that never quite get healed as life continues to pick away at the ancient scabs. All of it leaving me with damn, "Where is that deep profound belief system I thought I had in place?" Then a moment of clarity - "Yes, yes, I get it, it's a process." And what a process it is.
Spiritual development and its evolution is not just a process but a slow journey.
It
goes through distinct stages and in each stage, how we operate in the
world appears different. How life appears to us seems dependent on where
we are placed while experiencing our experiences. The view is dependent
on where we stand. If I am in management I will look at things from a
particular perspective, as an employee from another, as a human being
standing in individuality another way and finally as a human standing in
the collective, yet another. These placements of the psyche are what
give the various scenarios their
meanings. Then add different levels of spiritual development and the world continues to morph always appearing different. But all of them affect and color the experience as we walk down the path.
meanings. Then add different levels of spiritual development and the world continues to morph always appearing different. But all of them affect and color the experience as we walk down the path.
Unfortunately,
many of us get stuck at the age of innocence when we believed that
everything would be perfect. When you are a child, you take it for
granted that everybody exists only to fulfill your needs, whims and
fancies. A child takes it as a right that when he cries at night
somebody will come and attend to the problem. As adults while holding
on to our childlike desires we expect to be taken care of and loved -
always wanting somebody to do something. The government should do this ,
the teachers should do that, the neighbors should be this. Everybody
should do everything so that I will live a happy life. When we finally
move into a more spiritual point of view we have the same relationship
with God. We look upon Him as some kind of Santa Claus whose primary
function is to grant wishes. The age of disillusionment is when we find
out that life is not perfect and things are inherently flawed. The child
grows up and faces the reality that he is not the center of the
universe and for the most part the universe doesn't know he exists or is
indifferent to his existence. This is the pain of adolescence and when
we break away from the old paradigm of "I deserve to be happy."
Along
with all of the natural growth of our psyche we are sold a rotten bill
of goods called happiness which is a man made construct designed,
packaged and sold by Hollywood and Ad companies.
Don't
you have a girlfriend yet? Wow, you're a loser. Don't you fit in
because you are a little bit different? Well, then try this - work out;
dye your hair; join this religion; belong to this peer group; eat this;
drink that; wear this fashion designer; if you only had longer lashes; a
perfect body; clear skin, if only you were famous. But what all of
these empty promises have in common is that they come from something
that humans created to take advantage of other human beings, leaving us
with wanting. Wanting to be "happy" is a losing battle from beginning
to end, because for one moment you can be happy and the minute something
happens that doesn't go along with your interpretation of happiness,
it's gone in seconds. And let us not forget that happiness, sadness,
loneliness are just emotions that give us information about who we are
and where we are at the present time - not something to act on. And
frankly, being a victim, I found, was gut wrenchingly boring.
So
what do we do instead? This is a longer road. What humans are meant to
do is spend a lifetime searching for and finding "joy." Or maybe not
look for it at all and just "be". But whatever the solution, joy is a
more divine emotional construct than the man made happy. Joy is
something that comes from a fulfillment of being connected to something
larger than oneself. If it's not God, than maybe it may by the process
of creation as an artist, or nature, or service work to others - but it
has to be something that is larger than the individual. If we are living
in the world of "what about me" and "how come I can't have what I
want," we are truly doomed. Questions that are to be asked are "How can I
be of service to others?" What is my purpose in life? What is in my
highest good? "How am I needed in the largest capacity to do some good
on this planet?" One of my biggest revelations I had after years of
looking for quick fixes, was when one day I asked the question, "Why
can't I get what I deserve?" The answer, "You don't deserve anything,
it all has to be earned."
I've never felt like I fit in because I don't. A lot of us feel that way. But that is to our advantage.
From my garden to yours.......
Welcome Winter
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