Nobody's Perfect

Nobody’s perfect. I mean we all know that this is true somewhere deep in our hearts underneath all of the criticizing, finger pointing, judgment of others, judgment of ourselves, asking ourselves over and over, “How can so and so do that?”  Or “Why do they always do this?" Then we have self-ridicule; Asking ourselves “I know there is a better way, but still, I insist on continuing doing something that I know doesn’t work for me?”  The answer to these actions? None of us are perfect. No athlete, no celebrity, your parents, your best friend, your spouse, your dog, politicians, religious leaders and especially you – nobody gets off being perfect. So why do we sit in so much judgment of not only others but of ourselves?

And man do we get set up, almost forcing us to be judgmental. Let’s take the news. Don’t they love a fall guy? On the news of late has been Lance Armstrong and if not him some football player who’s name I can’t remember because well, I don’t really care that much about sports. I watch these stories unfold….the news reporters begin gunning for these people, backing them into a corner and kapow!!!! – we get a confession. Then we humans begin weighing in on these total strangers until every single good thing that this person has done in their lives has now been reduced to one act of poor judgment. We ask in our judgmental way, “Why don’t they tell the truth right from the start?" I say how about asking yourself with complete honesty, would you? Really? When everything you worked your entire life for is now going to be jeopardized, would you run to the press and blab your sins. I don’t know if I would. I think the fear of public persecution would certainly slow me down on the way to the finish line of truth.

But I don’t sit on a world stage and yet, I too face judgmental friends and acquaintances. Even though I now live a long awaited quiet way of life and do what I need to do to get through the day. As simple as that sounds, it can be quite challenging for me. I am a hopeless rule breaker, don’t agree with much that is going on around me, free spirited, daydreamer, very creative and have physical limitations. That all adds up to the fact that I am going to hurt people’s feelings (non-intentionally), seem flaky to some, irresponsible to others, and ornery to those closest to me. On top of that I am in my 60’s and don’t want to waste the few brain cells that I have left on spending time with people and in places that don’t serve moving forward in a positive way. So you see, in the framework of many of my flaws, I often don’t get it right in other people’s eyes. But worse of all, many times, I don’t get it right in mine.

“Where guilt and judgment exists, the Light cannot dwell.”

But to my credit I do have to say that most of the time that when I begin going into the judging others mode, I usually, not always, stop and think, have I done that? And I believe that if I truly know myself, probably have done the very thing I am criticizing or I can at least understand how - given the same circumstances would have done the same.  (This is something that actors explore when doing their work). I constantly work on not feeling this way because it feels icky to pass judgment or be angry, kind of like walking through mud. And it doesn’t feel any better when judging oneself. It must be because where guilt and judgment exists, the Light cannot dwell. I think that I forget the rule of “If I’m not behaving in accordance with the Light then I’m not showing love, compassion and understanding."

On this spiritual path, we try to be better versions of ourselves every day, but all of us have moments where we fall and find ourselves right back in old destructive patterns. The secret is that it’s not about how many times we fall, it’s about how many times we get back up. And if we are lucky, we might even get back up quicker because if you can spend less time, living in the negative field of judgment, you can get to the light just a little bit quicker. After all, if you are walking through hell, don’t stop, but some of us actually pack a lunch and have a picnic despite the heat. It’s uncomfortable to not get it right, yes, but If we live by the divine reality that everything in our lives is from the Divine and the Divine thinks we are perfect than this has to include our failures and foibles. Even when I am being totally irresponsible, there is Light waiting to be revealed and lessons to be learned.

And frankly, when I am the least perfect is when the lessons are the biggest. And, as my friend Johnny B says, “Hopefully as we grow older our lessons are getting bigger because we are getting bigger.”

The problem is that when we fall, it’s easier for us to get wrapped up in feelings of shame and feeling bad, than it is to learn the lesson. The guilt trip, only services all that is dark, taking us in the opposite direction of the Light. No one and I mean no one benefits from feeling the pressure to be perfect. Are we perfect in God’s eyes? Yes. Is our Ego a bit messy? Yep, you bet! Is it supposed to be that way? Of course! We have come into the physical body to experience these difficult lessons. Can’t do that when you are floating around in spirit riding a cloud into infinity, nope, got to have Mr. Ego along for the ride. The body and the ego are the duo of challenges. This challenge pattern, sticks like glue. Complete freedom from ego comes at a very high station of spiritual development which means the gift of awareness and then a lot of hard work. Seeing and letting go can only work insofar as we are able to see, picking away at the psyche like layers of an onion. Then as the awareness increases these efforts may include grappling with the hugeness of the ego. But the good news is that by doing the work we create the energy for seeing more. Only we must not have the idea that such struggles will, by themselves, reform us into our idea of perfection. We get to become aware of our imperfections leading us to liberation: liberation from the illusion of the ego and into the freedom of the singular – the collective soul. In other words, Love.

From Happiness to Joy - A Long Road

As I come to the end of this chaotic week and coincidentally the beginning of a year that will have its share of chaos as we shift into what is next, I realize that once again, my work is never done. I am casting an eye within the internal sea of emotions, only to have that eye covered with a patch worn by Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean. In other words, I am still figuring things out as I am wondering how and why I get so caught up in life! Though I don't have the answer, yet, it's close to the surface but still without the revelation. What I do know is that I let someone else's actions affect how I react and it affected me deeply. I find it all pretty funny, as I was freely handing out advice about the difference between happy and joy along with the amount of time it takes to do the work, which by the way, would be a lifetime.

As I reread the letter I sent to a friend, I see how I too, can let something or someone disturb the joy that I had hoped I have. But life's events show me, that there are still "happy" band aids on old wounds that never quite get healed as life continues to pick away at the ancient scabs. All of it leaving me with damn, "Where is that deep profound belief system I thought I had in place?" Then a moment of clarity - "Yes, yes, I get it, it's a process." And what a process it is.  

Spiritual development and its evolution is not just a process but a slow journey.   

It goes through distinct stages and in each stage, how we operate in the world appears different. How life appears to us seems dependent on where we are placed while experiencing our experiences. The view is dependent on where we stand. If I am in management I will look at things from a particular perspective, as an employee from another, as a human being standing in individuality another way and finally as a human standing in the collective, yet another. These placements of the psyche are what give the various scenarios their
meanings. Then add different levels of spiritual development and the world continues to morph always appearing different. But all of them affect and color the experience as we walk down the path.

Unfortunately, many of us get stuck at the age of innocence when we believed that everything would be perfect. When you are a child, you take it for granted that everybody exists only to fulfill your needs, whims and fancies. A child takes it as a right that when he cries at night somebody will come and attend to the problem.  As adults while holding on to our childlike desires we expect to be taken care of and loved - always wanting somebody to do something. The government should do this , the teachers should do that, the neighbors should be this. Everybody should do everything so that I will live a happy life. When we finally move into a more spiritual point of view we have the same relationship with God. We look upon Him as some kind of Santa Claus whose primary function is to grant wishes. The age of disillusionment is when we find out that life is not perfect and things are inherently flawed. The child grows up and faces the reality that he is not the center of the universe and for the most part the universe doesn't know he exists or is indifferent to his existence. This is the pain of adolescence and when we break away from the old paradigm of "I deserve to be happy."

Along with all of the natural growth of our psyche we are sold a rotten bill of goods called happiness which is a man made construct designed, packaged and sold by Hollywood and Ad companies.  

Don't you have a girlfriend yet? Wow, you're a loser. Don't you fit in because you are a little bit different? Well, then try this - work out; dye your hair; join this religion; belong to this peer group; eat this; drink that; wear this fashion designer; if you only had longer lashes; a perfect body; clear skin, if only you were famous. But what all of these empty promises have in common is that they come from something that humans created to take advantage of other human beings, leaving us with wanting.  Wanting to be "happy" is a losing battle from beginning to end, because for one moment you can be happy and the minute something happens that doesn't go along with your interpretation of happiness, it's gone in seconds. And let us not forget that happiness, sadness, loneliness are just emotions that give us information about who we are and where we are at the present time - not something to act on. And frankly, being a victim, I found, was gut wrenchingly boring.

So what do we do instead? This is a longer road. What humans are meant to do is spend a lifetime searching for and finding "joy." Or maybe not look for it at all and just "be".  But whatever the solution, joy is a more divine emotional construct than the man made happy. Joy is something that comes from a fulfillment of being connected to something larger than oneself. If it's not God, than maybe it may by the process of creation as an artist, or nature, or service work to others - but it has to be something that is larger than the individual. If we are living in the world of "what about me" and "how come I can't have what I want," we are truly doomed. Questions that are to be asked are "How can I be of service to others?" What is my purpose in life? What is in my highest good? "How am I needed in the largest capacity to do some good on this planet?" One of my biggest revelations I had after years of looking for quick fixes, was when one day I asked the question, "Why can't I get what I deserve?"  The answer, "You  don't deserve anything, it all has to be earned."

I've never felt like I fit in because I don't. A lot of us feel that way. But that is to our advantage.

 

We get to see things from a different perspective. Even though at a young age it feels like a curse, it is a gift. Something we signed up for before we entered our bodies to learn specific divine lessons. We are participants, not victims. This is when love begins to be universal, when there is complete identification. People are no more my brothers and sisters, they are me and I and they are one. My Self is the Self in all. Enlightenment sees only the one, the non-dual. It is the culmination of spiritual growth, the state of a Krishna or Rama, a Buddha or Christ, a Mahavir or Mohammed. It is the blessed state of self-realization, the state of complete knowledge. Once this is achieved, the joy remains intact no matter what the outside stimuli. We are finally in a place where we can be in joy no matter what is happening. Life will continue to happen but maybe if we are lucky by this time we have fallen in love with the journey welcoming life's daily struggles. After all, there is always the constant underpinning of the never-ending, irreplaceable, gift of divine support and love from something that can only be found within - the piece of the collective that I call God.

From my garden to yours.......

Welcome Winter

 

A Little Laughter Goes a Long Way

"Laughter is not just to be seen as a therapy, but as a way of life."

Have you ever met someone who was a beaming light of joy? My mother, Marion Jane Oneaka, was one of those people.  She loved to sing, tell jokes, tease my friends and her laugh you could hear blocks away.  I never worried about finding her in a crowded room, just had to stand still and wait for the laugh.  It was like a joyous laser cutting through the ongoing din of compressed sound.  Her energy didn't just make those around her smile, it allowed them to loosen up, get out of their stuffy identities, relax, and become a little more goofy.  This is what I call therapy.  That healing power that she was gifted with is within everyone's reach. It is the healing power of laughter.

'If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it..." Thich Nhat Hanh

Laughter has been shown to lower blood pressure, reduce stress, increase muscle flexion, boost immune function, trigger the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers, and produce a general sense of well-being.  And if that is not enough there is laugh therapy used in many different settings from hospitals as a supplement to regular treatments, to businesses, and schools as a way to discuss things that normally would be difficult.  There is even a Ha Ha Institute, dedicated to teaching people to approach life with a sense of laughter.

What they all have in common is taking a lighter approach to living which gives people access to spontaneous joy.  I remember when my girlfriends and I would "fake laugh" until we actually were laughing.  Sometimes laughing so hard we would pee our pants.  Ha ha ha ha, Hee hee hee hee, Hi hi hi hi hi,  Ho ho ho ho,  Hu hu hu hu.  Try this for five to 10 minutes and tell me if you are not just falling apart laughing at the end of it. This technique is also known as the Laughing Meditation and can be practiced upon waking, or anytime you need a feel-good boost.

This of course appeals to me since anyone that knows me, knows that my absolute favorite thing to do is to laugh.  I really can find the humor in anything.  As my friend Johnny B, loves to say, "You Romanians would kill your grandfather for a good joke."....Well, maybe not, but pretty darn close.  What feels better than laughter?  Anything?  Not in my book.  Spending my life playing, creating and traveling with musicians, who I think are the funniest people on the planet,  was something that was a part of my daily life for 40 years.  As a performer, I understood and still do that the ending is always the most important part. You have to leave them with your best material. Even if you bombed in the beginning of the set, if you leave them laughing in the end, that's what they will remember.

"Treat everyone you meet like God in drag...." "The game is not about becoming somebody, it's about becoming nobody...." (Humorous quotes by Ram Dass)

But now that I have switched gears from musician to sometime teacher to doing healing work, it seems, that the seriousness of what is at stake seems to take over, not to mention how sacred the work is supposed to be.  I have been comparing how I approach this work alongside the people I admire most and  have to say that I am having trouble with the more somber/sacred approach as it just isn't well, fun.  I never want to be disrespectful in my work but if I know anything, I know that the Great Creator, has an amazing sense of humor. C'mon, just creating the human race, is pretty darn funny.  Forget the giraffe, hippopotamus and the looney bird, we humans are a slam dunk when it comes to funny behavior.  But who else in their spiritual teachings is full of humor?  And just how funny is this world of healing, spirituality and even religion?    

That would bring me to the enlightened and joy filled Dalai Lama.  The Dalai Lama, maintains a message of peace, love, compassion and understanding with a self-effacing dose of humor.  He is even a little goofy - especially if it helps get his point across.  He makes frequent references to his age, 77, and laughs at his own jokes, many times needing prodding to keep his answers focused, which does not come naturally to the man known around the world for his thoughtful wisdom.  The audience seems to most enjoy the times he lays both hands on his stomach and belly laughs; or slaps his knee and throwing his head back in a wide-mouthed, frozen-in-time chuckle.  He says repeatedly that greater peace can be achieved by finding inner peace.  A peaceful mind and body promote health and happiness.  "It's our duty as human beings to help one another, Your happiness is my happiness.  Your unhappiness is my unhappiness."

"In most of our human relationships, we spend much of our time reassuring one another that our costumes of identity are on straight." (Humorous quote by Ram  Dass)

But let's not forget the Saints, Rabbi's, Buddha and numerous sacred teachings, not only in spirituality but in religion.  As a matter of fact there is a funny quote defining the two.  "Religion is for people that believe in hell.  Spirituality is for people that have been there."  Humor has often been the vehicle for teaching the spiritual and/or religious message.    In the third century, St. Lawrence was burned to death on a gridiron over hot coals and called out to his executioners in Latin, "Turn me over and take a bite, I'm done on this side." Or St. Augustine who famously prayed, "Lord give me chastity...but not yet."  Consider John the 23rd, who was pope from 1958 until 1963. His most famous joke came when a journalist innocently asked him, 'Your Holiness, how many people work in the Vatican?' And he said, 'Ah, about half of them.'  Or A guy goes to a Jesuit Priest, knocks on the door, the Jesuit answers, the guy says, "Will you say a rosary for me for my intention?" Franciscan says "Sure, what's your intention?" Guy says, "I want a Lexus." And the Franciscan says, "What's a Lexus?" And the guy says, "Well forget it, I'll go to another church." Goes to the Jesuit church, knocks on the door, a Jesuit opens up and he says, "Father before I ask you something, can you tell me, do you know what a Lexus is?" And the Jesuit says "Sure, top of the line car. A lot of my parishioners drive it." He says "I want one." Jesuit says, "I don't blame you." He says, "Will you say a rosary that I get one?" The Jesuit says, "Sure...what's a rosary?"

 In a perfect world Monty Python teaching Taoism? I say, we can only hope.

I can't think of anything more powerful for the healing of not only ourselves but the planet than laughter.  Laughter, joy, happiness  all releasing stress, diminishing fears and allowing us to drop our guard and see how truly connected we are.  With laughter, we are no longer strangers but a group of people who have shared joy seeing how much we are all the same. In a perfect world Monty Python teaching Taoism?  I say, we can only hope.

And just because we need it after these stressful weeks, I will leave you with a good chuckle so you can take your mind off of everything you have to do or worry about who is doing what......A lady goes to see Rabbi one day and tells him, "Rabbi, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the Rabbi inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' Isn't that awful?" the woman laments. "That's obscene!" the Rabbi exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male parrots who talk, and I have taught them to pray and read the Torah. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship God, and your parrots are sure to stop saying... that... that indecent phrase...in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution!"  The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the Rabbi's house. As he ushered the woman in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding the Torah and actually praying, their pious little faces upturned toward heaven with beaks moving slightly as they prayed intently to the the Almighty. Very impressed, the woman walked over and placed her parrots inside the cage with these very devout parrots. After a few minutes, sure enough, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" A long moment of silence ensued. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the book away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"

Like I said, a little laughter goes a long way..

From my garden to yours........

Cricket Garden - Welcome Winter