"Real
compassion includes wisdom and so it makes judgments of care and
concern; it says some things are good, and some things are bad, and I
will choose to act only on those things that are informed by wisdom and
care."....Philosopher, Ken Wilbur
Given
the nature of the people I work with, the first thing each of us does
is check in on why the behavior is bothering us - in other words what
are we here to learn? Are we emotionally charged on this? This is
necessary as compassion is not only our ability to be with another's
pain and suffering but also to see and accept our own pain. Once this is
accomplished, I know I have to ask myself, how many more chances, does
this unaccountable individual get? And is this the question I should
be asking in the first place?
“Yes, I am open-minded and compassionate, but never want to be so open-minded that my brains fall out”
Of
course, the picture keeps getting bigger if I get out of judgment
allowing the questions to keep coming. If someone has a history of
cheating, lying and/or stealing, when do I stop giving them another
chance? Or do I even go there? Do I just figure that life, the cosmos,
the divine, the light or whatever has a plan for this individual, which
I think is probably true, but then where does that leave me and what
is my job? Do I still work with this person? Do I forgive them even
though they are never accountable? Do I stand in a place of
understanding that each person has their lessons and are disguised in
drag, if you will, to teach each other theirs? And if they are in drag
to teach others how to be compassionate, then do I love from a distance
and just understand their role? I am leaning towards the latter. Like
overgrowth in the garden, the plant living in the shade does not have a
chance to live in the light until the shade, or shadow is removed, yes
that’s true. But rather than the overgrowth being eliminated maybe it
should just be cut down to size and with this adjustment, both can
coexist - each understanding the other’s role but definitely staying
within their boundaries so that they can thrive. Meaning each plant can
do what it is here to do - experience the experience. And with that,
to not just blindly accept but be reminded like in classical Tibetan
teachings, that sometimes more than compassion, we need to see with
awareness and discrimination.
Idiot
compassion is the highly conceptualized idea that you want to do
good....Of course, you should do everything for everybody; there is no
selection involved at all. But that doesn't mean to say that you have to
be gentle all the time. Your gentleness should have heart, strength.
In order that your compassion doesn't become idiot compassion, you have
to use your intelligence. Otherwise, there could be self-indulgence of
thinking that you are creating a compassionate situation when in fact
you are feeding the other person's aggression. If you go to a shop and
the shopkeeper cheats you and you go back and let him cheat you again,
that doesn't seem to be a very healthy thing to do for others... Dali
Lama
This is known as wise compassion, that sees the whole situation and aims to bring release from suffering; its opposite is known as blind or idiot compassion,
which does not take into account the whole situation and so, while
appearing compassionate, is inherently unskillful and may actually
increase suffering. For instance, idiot compassion occurs when we
support or condone neurosis, such as giving a slice of cake to an obese
friend. Yes, they may be begging you, but realistically you know that
it will do them no good. Another way to see idiot compassion is when
we give for our own benefit, not for the recipient's, because we can't
bear to see them suffering. Our giving has less to do with what they
need, but plenty to do with trying to escape our own feelings of
inadequacy. This is a more subtle point, but sometimes we can get so
impelled to give that we forget why we are giving or what is actually
needed.
So
back to the garden with shovel in hand, apologizing to the newly
trimmed plant for cutting it down, while thanking it for doing its job
and that the plants that will nourish us - garlic, asparagus and beets
will have a better chance to grow. Choices are being made that will
serve the bigger picture while energies are going to where they are
actually needed. It seems that life on all levels is a place, a reality
where decisions can be made on where the compassionate effort needs to
be focused and all the while that this interaction is taking place, it
is done in wisdom, for the highest good, with an open heart.
From My Garden To Yours.......
